Inner Beauty VS. The Perfect Mask

Sometimes it´s a surprise to me how superficial people really are. I mean of course it is great to look good, it isn´t forever though, time will take it´s toll on your face, your body.. You can try to keep a distance to that by taking care of yourself  or even try to avoid it by cosmetic surgery but eventually, time will catch up with you no matter what..

People spend a lot of money to look good nowadays, there are different kind of lotions, chemicals whatever designed to make you look perfect, for what? perfection wasn´t the original design for the human race, it still isn´t, we are in the fortunate situation that we are actually allowed not to be perfect. In fact it´s even recommended to admit to not being perfect.

I´ve met a lot of people throughout my life who just concern themselves with their outer appearance, sometimes these people even state that they do not care about developing themselves, their intelligence or their personality because all that matters is that they look good and will get far in life with their looks. Well sure, of course it works for a certain period of time but what will happen when they get all old and wrinkled and their body will go through the "metamorphose" that is eventually going to happen to us all? I like to describe these kind of people as walnuts, I know it sounds ridiculous but think about it. You have a huge walnut and you are opening it up expecting to find the actual nut inside which is the best part just to find out that the shell was actually empty.. what a disappointment.. some of these people are the same, the "shell" well rather the exterior of the person is absolutely amazing and beautiful but when you get "inside" their heads,, there is nothing inside, it´s empty, it´s like having a beautiful jewelry box without any actual jewelry inside ..

Developing "inner beauty" takes time, it´s a combination or your personality and traits as a human. I personally think that people who have a strong mind and a soft heart are extremely beautiful people. People who actually take time to consider the people around them. Inner Beauty also often radiates to the exterior of the person, especially through one´s eyes. Developing your mind in a way that it will bloom is important to your well being as well. I try to keep my mind focused and always learning something new, you can actually learn a lot of things about different kinds of situations every day, my mind works like a sponge sometimes :-D but it will just conclude stuff in it´s own way too :-D

To be honest, I know that I have a pretty outer layer, it´s ok to admit it. It´s nice to look good but you know the first little smiling wrinkles just close to my eyes made me smile instead of making me panic about it, I think an elderly person with smiley wrinkles tells you a lot about that person and the way they have adjusted to life throughout it,  they´ve certainly smiles a lot :) my great aunt was like that, she was blessed with over 100 years of a wonderful life and even at the end of her life you could see the most beautiful smiley wrinkles on her face, she had a beautiful soul and you could see it from her eyes, a true inspiration for me :)

Don´t get me wrong, taking good care of yourself is important, taking care of the shell that protects and carries you through life is just as important as taking care of your mind but obsessing about your appearance isn´t, I also would like to say that every grown person will influence the younger generation. What kind of example would you like to set?

a simple life?

People are always "downgrading" their own lives. I think this just mirrors the current society. You have to get more, you have to want more in every aspect, Now why is that? Is it an image fed to us via the media? Is it a craving for a certain social status? Is it just something that is automatically grown in a persons mind?

Where does the childlike appreciation for the little things in life vanish when you grow up? I lost that ability at one point and I did a massive job in getting that quality back, now I have a so-called dual will in me :-D I am ambitious and I want to go far and I work really hard for that but for example money for me isn´t that important anymore, I want just as much that I am able to get by and provide a good life to my boy and be able to give back as well and to be able to support charities as well. But I mean ambition is good, a target to aim for in life is good but why is it necessary to have the 2,5 kids, 2 cars, a house and a bank loan, a perfect marriage where the façade is kept up at every cost, even at the well being of the people involved. People are getting more torn, more stressed, pushed around and the huge load is grown on their shoulder, they cannot avoid to being pulled down under all of the expectations and pressure being fed into them. Eventually people living that way will lose themselves, it´s almost like extinguishing the natural flame that we were born with.

Is it really so bad to let yourself enjoy a beautiful morning when the birds sing and you feel the first rays of the sun on your skin sitting down on the fresh green grass with a cup of coffee? going outside  when the first beautiful snowflakes fall down and throw yourself down on the ground and do a snow angel and admiring the perfect starlight sky you are laying under? We are surrounded by the beautiful "little" things every day which are massive when added up, a co-worker telling you a great joke during the coffee break, someone holding the door open for you, a quick smile from a stranger at the grocery store when you pass by them, finding a small coin in your pocket, anything basically if you decide to take it with a smile. stop, listen, learn, enjoy..

I personally am a rebel, I choose to take the little things in, enjoy life, be kind to myself as I have no reason to be cruel. I do not apologize for who I am, I am me, I am this way and I am proud of myself. I am not perfect and I have never claimed I was, still I try to be the best person I can.

live every day enjoying the little things

Christmas stress and chaos

I personally love Christmas and I don´t get stressed over it :) but this post is based on my experiences throughout my 29 years of what happens when Christmas is near

Now, first of all I feel like they are putting all of the Christmas stuff up in stores every year earlier and earlier and maybe that is something that´s effecting people in a way that they get the stress and stress combined with the shopping hysteria equals chaos :-D

I usually buy my gifts way before October to avoid going to the city center in November and December and last buy´s are from the wonderful world wide web if I have forgotten to get something because something hilarious always happens especially in December in Vaasa. The Christmas songs start to play in every store ( basically Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer on repeat ), the mood that the songs are creating is cheerful but if I look at the people in the store, their demeanor, faces and behaving patterns it something else. People are frowning, sweating in their thick winter jackets, their kids are screaming to get their parents to buy stuff, people are pushing each other to get out of the way and people are just well basically rude and every store in my city is like cramped with people, I don´t like it even though it has some humor value to it too, so you won´t see me in a store in December, except in a grocery store.

22. of December people suddenly realize that they don´t have their Christmas foods yet, so everybody rushes to the grocery store at 4 pm causing chaos and mayhem :-D there are people on every aisle having a conversation with a friend who they haven´t seen in a while blocking the way with their shopping carts, people are running around with massive grocery lists back and forth in store, again some with their kids who are stressed to the max in the flow of people. I do my last grocery shopping 19th of December because honestly, nobody´s at the store on that day buying groceries :-D also I make everything that´s served on Christmas eve myself, and I start around the independence day ( 6th of Dec in Finland ) with the stuff that I can put in the  freezer to wait and im one with the food on 22nd and then I can sit back enjoy before the Christmas eve.

Somehow I think I might have the wrong understanding about Christmas in comparison to many people, for me it´s a time to see friends, have some glow wine with friends boosted with cinnamon and apple cider, play in the snow, build a snowman with my son, bake the ginger bread house for Christmas eve, make the Finnish traditional breads for Christmas dinner and just relaxing.

Ok so Christmas eve.. 24th is the day to have the x-mas dinner and exchange gifts in Finland ( and other parts of Scandinavia and Fenno-Scandinavia). Most people have the traditional rice porridge in the morning, head out to the cemetery to take the candles, go to their parents, eat exchange gifts and then clean up.. and then they are tired as hell and go to bed :-D I have made the choice when my son was born that I won´t go anywhere on Christmas eve and we are staying at home, so everyone who want´s to join us for Christmas dinner and spend the evening at my place are welcome so usually I have my closest circle of people, my family over at my place with the exception of my oldest bro who comes over before x-mas eve cause he want´s to spend the evening with his family .. We take the candles to the cemetery on 23rd in the evening and admire the sea of candles before heading home. I put the ham in the oven before I go to bed on 23rd, when I wake up on the 24th before my son does I take out the ham from the over, put some honey and mustard on it and stick it to the oven for another 30 mins, start to cook the rice porridge and usually at that point my son wakes up and I give him the first gifts (my gifts) and tell him that the elf´s brought the first ones  because Santa´s slay was so full, that we he stay´s happy until it´s time to exchange the rest of the gifts and the Santa really comes ( I always hire and actor to be the Santa for my son, cause he loves it :) ). we have the Christmas morning porridge and take out a little plate outside for the house elf so that he will watch over us the following year ( it´s me that really eats it during his nap and make little footprints with my fingers in the snow around the plate and leave it there for him to find and notice that the elf really ate it.. the porridge however tastes like crap when it´s cold :-D sacrifices that mothers make.. right? :-D ) the we watch a show called the Santa´s hotline, kids can call in and make merry Christmas wishes for their loved ones and sing to Santa before Santa leaves to deliver the gifts, kids love... well I love the show too :-D then we watch the Christmas peace declaration in Finland, then we watch a must cartoon for every Christmas eve -> the snowman and then we cry a bit watching it. ( here is a link to the part that makes us cry : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xb-pX7sIjFY and the part too where the snowman has vanished, that makes us cry too ) we are a bit sensitive that way :-D  then we watch Walt Disney´s Christmas cartoons. after that I usually go and fire up the Christmas fires in the garden and the snow and ice lanterns and then I start heating the x-mas dinner, when everyone comes over we eat, the Santa comes and after that just relax and spend the evening together and play a few board games so for me Christmas is all about love, time to relax and enjoy, eat well and see the joy on my son´s face--

never got the stress and chaos and I do my best to avoid it :) try to do the same and it´s easier to stay sane this year around :-D

Why divide when you could be uniting?

This subject started out from twitter, I've actually had this convo before with many people but this was the first that really lasted for a while. so my friend @MichaelOpadoja  and me were talking about races and how pointless it is to divide humanity based on that simple factor. We think that it´s utterly stupid to divide and discriminate people based on one´s heritage.

I think dividing people based on race and heritage is extremely stupid, the human race was evolved from one cell.. from the same cell that means we are all the same, the skin color might vary, the size of a certain group from a certain heritage might be different, we are shaped differently, so what? I think the best symbolic example would be a huge box of different kind of chocolate truffles, think about it for a while.. the pieces are shaped a bit differently, one might be a square and it´s covered with milk chocolate, the other one resembles a clam shell and is made of white chocolate, the other one is completely round and is made or dark chocolate.. those look different and taste a bit different but all of the pieces in the box are still chocolate truffles right? I don´t mean to offend anyone with the example I just gave btw, I think it´s one of the best comparisons I can think of, besides I just thought about it so I thought I would use it here :-D

Why does the racial separation happen all the time? you know we can learn from each other, we all have different histories, we all have diff. kinds of stories to tell about our own culture, we can teach each other different ways to interact, we have the same common history at the dawn of ages right? so why do we keep doing this same crap from year to year "you are this so you should stick with your own kind" come on!! stupid as h**l. For example I know many mixed couples ( btw, extremely stupid common way to describe two people who are together but come in diff. colors ) and they get a lot of crappy things said to them, just based on the little fact that they don´t have the same skin color.. why should this be an issue in any relationship? that couple consists of two people that have fallen in love with each other and weren´t thinking about who they for some odd reason couldn´t be together because they have diff. skin color. I know a lot of people who think that "you should stick to your own kind" from every culture, but that´s one of the biggest ways to promote racism, also this way of thinking promotes racisms inside their own culture too in the way that for example if a white female would meet a black male and they would be together I know people who would diss the person just cause they are dating a black man.. extremely stupid.

Sometimes I cannot even believe how ignorant and mean people really are.

I was so unbelievably angry a couple of months back at the stupidity, ignorance and arrogance of people when I heard the following story, the story made me cry too:

There was this young boy at a kinder garden and he was in a new country trying to make friends, he never had a birthday party before and he wanted to have one to invite all of his new friends. His parents decided to throw the party for him and invite all of his friends, one mother with a son showed up.. no one else. This boy´s mom got very very angry and asked the other parents why didn´t they bring their kids over for the party cause now her son is upset and thinks nobody loves him. The parents replied : "your son and my kid have nothing in common" when the boy asked his friends at the kinder garden why they didn´t come the kids however  said "my mommy and daddy didn´t let me" so there, nobody´s a racist from birth! ignorant parents bring up racists!! think about that and let it sink in for a while.

I have brought my son up in a way that he accepts and appreciates the varieties of people and cultures around the world, I was raised up like that too (thank you mom, I love ya!! )

Now it´s scientifically explained why people come in different colors. Mother nature gave us the pigmentation based on the area where we live at. For example I am fenno-scandinavian so mother nature gave me a very pale skin with little fragments of red pigment and we are more heavily built compared to other "races" , the reason for that is that we live up here in the north where the temp change is 60 degrees cel. in a year and the longest period of the year is winter for us when it´s very dark, basically no sunlight and very cold. so mother nature basically had the reasons to create us in the way we are:

1. They need to stand the cold weather well, -> ok so let´s give these people height and a size that will keep the warmth longer.

2. They don´t need protection from sunlight that much, they need a good circulation to keep the blood flowing and warming up their skin -> ok so i´ll make them very pale, so pale that their blood vessels can be seen through the almost-transparent skin so that the vessels are close to the skin making the blood flow faster and the skin get´s warmer faster cause the skin will be a bit thinner.

BASICS PEOPLE!! End the racism.. it´s just another ISM that is destructive!!

Dreams..My own "weird" experiences

Post pondering about a coffee table discussion this morning.

We all do it, even when you don´t remember the dreams you´ve had the night before, you daydream too right? Dreams tells us about our mind, about you and I believe that there is something strange about night time dreaming, I don´t know what it is but something strange is happening when most of your brain goes to sleep and your subconscious mind get´s control of you during the night time, remember that people do not use their full brain capacity currently so there must be something to it. Well at least I think so.

Dreams are interesting to me because I don´t usually remember what I´ve dreamt about during the night when I wake up but when I do there is always one similar thing between these dreams. Maybe im just a bit crazy or something :-D  Ever since I was a child there has been one character that repeats in the dreams I remember. It´s a male figure and I´ve never seen his face completely as usually something, like a shadow or something is covering his face partially. This guy is strange cause he has always showed up in my dreams when I have been going through something big in my life. The last time I remember was when I was thinking about and very worried about the renovation work that I was about to start on my house because I didn´t know at the time if there would be some irreversible damage already done by the weather conditions or something else on the house, I didn´t know where to start the whole thing and I remember falling asleep and thinking if I would end up loosing the house that has become a part of me, my own childhood home which I have fought to get. ok so, the dream was weird, I was laying in my bed in the dream in my dark bedroom with just the street light coming in and the guys was standing beside my bed and we were talking about something, I couldn´t remember what when I woke up but just a little before my alarm went off on my phone he said the last words in my dream which I can remember, he told me "You know what? it´s time to stop for tonight as it´s time for you to wake up" and believe it or not but my eyes opened a split second before the first little prr sound from my phone started before my alarm went off, when I woke up I felt relaxed and I somehow knew immediately where to start and when I came to work I called the house condition inspector to come over and check my house. Weird huh?

This male figure has appeared so many times and the only dreams I can remember is those where he appears in and I have no idea who this guy is as I have never ever met anyone who would resemble him the slightest way. He seems to be very close to me in dreams and he seems to know how my mind works but don´t get the wrong idea, we do not have any romantic bond ever in my dreams, he is just there and sometimes he tell´s me things when I get anxious or worried.

Dreams are a way for the brain to release stress and to handle your emotions etc. But this man figure has always puzzled me, because I don´t know who or basically what he is. I know that some people believe we have guardian angels around us, some people believe we have spirit guides but I don´t know what to think about this dude :-D

Another thing which is strange about my nighttime dream world is that I have had the same dream repeating every 6 years. I know it sounds crazy but It´s true.. I had the dream first time when I was 6, the plot is always the same, it´s just me, my reactions and the color pallet that changes a bit, the first time I had the dream I was terrified and woke up screaming and sweaty, it´s been easier every time and the last time I had it, I was just like "oh it´s this again, ok so that will happen next and so on.. " and I was just walking through the dream like I would have been watching a movie for the 100 time because I was so familiar with it. When I had the dream the first time the setting of the dream was completely black and white and it was a bit unclear and grainy, the last time I had it the setting was more like a sepia colored and very clear and the images and things that happened were crystal clear I am a bit intrigued that will I see the dream again next year because the anniversary will be in 2014 again :-D my 6 years is up :-D

Dreams are very interesting as it´s a part of the human mind that nobody can really understand. What´s your opinion on dreams?

Mental Strenght

Even if you are unable to lift a brick with your hands, your mind is able to move mountains

You know, having mental strength is something that should never be taken for granted. It´s something you have to pay a high price for most of the time when you obtain that quality for yourself. It´s also something that you need to be able to live with as people will find their way to you when you need to be a pillar of strength for them when they cannot do it themselves or they are too tired to be strong for themselves.

I am a person that has a massive pool of mental strength. I am not bragging with it because I have paid a very high price to grow that quality in myself and I was forced to grow my own strength because I had two choices.. either give up and succumb or fight back with huge force and keep myself sane. Trust me if I wouldn´t have done the latter I would either be in jail or in a mental institution as a patient.

You can also abuse that mental strength to do harm to people, to manipulate and hurt them and your mental strength would be a destructive force and would morph into something evil. Using it for a good purpose you can actually help people and be the solid ground for them to stand on and according to my own personal point of view, people who have that strength are here for others in that way. Also the strenght comes with some "accessories" in a way :) I for example know that my ambitious nature stems from the fact that I am mentally strong, I know that my confident nature comes from that, and my wit, yes I can be witty too :-D

I know that mentally strong people act pretty friendly to people and are often seen as a bit goofy if not even a bit deranged and stupid but you will see another side when you take a stab at their loved ones or themselves or of these people see something that they think is utterly evil.

I come from a background where I suffered tremendously in the hands of my father who mentally and physically abused me, my brothers and my mother. I lived with a person who was an alcoholic and a narcissistic psychopath. Later on I was put down in multiple ways, bullied at school, told that I cannot be anything and told that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.. boy did I prove them wrong :-D I won't go deeper into my past as it´s not the point in this blog post but i´ll say this: Don´t ever feel sorry for me, I don´t and I don´t dwell in my past and I am at the point where I am actually grateful for the bad experiences because those too have molded me into the person I am today, the person I was meant to be, the person I respect and want to be. A good example of this is, that when I finally got everything sorted in my own head and found the strength to move on, grow and let go I had a dream of me as the adult I am meeting the girl I was. The adult me found itself as a little girl, scared, abused, destroyed in a corner crying in a dark room, the adult me lifted the little girl me into her arms, held her tight, stroked her hair and told her "that you don´t have to be afraid anymore, I will make sure that you are safe now" and after that we were surrounded by light and the little girl me smiled at the adult me and they were morphed into one.. I woke up and felt a lot better because I think that was the point when I came into terms with my own past and the person I have become and my mental strength comes from all that.

The point is, every person has a trait that can be used for the good of others. The people that has mental strength should use it for support and fighting back the "machine".

hmm a good part of a song to quote at the end. Ill Nino - Scarred

I wear the scars

I will not walk away
I will never give in
I'll wear the sin
But not within
I will bury the scars
I will rise once again
I'll break away
I won't give in

Life Online

Yes, you got it.. I got annoyed by something "again" :-D

ok so social media is the topic of the day so let´s get started.

Social media is a fantastic way to stay in touch with people abroad and a great way to meet new people and discuss with them, get your own opinions ideas etc out there. I for example have a lot of friends who currently live abroad, either I've met them through my job, they have moved from Finland to another country or they for some reason currently just reside abroad.  Being in touch through social media is cheaper than most other ways, it´s faster and you don´t have to check out the time zone to contact someone because they will see your msg or comment when they check their own page / profile whatever. I wouldn´t have time to exchange 3 hour phone calls because I, like most people have a life outside the world wide web.

I personally prefer twitter because you can just throw a fast update or comment, shout out etc.. when you feel like it and because I spend most of my days on my pc at work anyways because I am in international trade and sales so exchanging stuff online is what my work day is mostly filled with. Also you can check stuff on twitter too. I use Youtube a lot too because I want to listen to music when I work or listen to a documentary etc.

But as with all things there is a downside to my life online that annoys the h*** out of me sometimes. Every once in a while I get these personal messages and I like to talk to new people so I always reply. Then when you have been talking to someone for a while suddenly a msg pop´s up on your twitter account asking to get a picture of your private parts and a question "are  you tight?" to accompany the request or you get an online sex invitation or an invitation to see you nude on cam or something really disrespectful like that. Now im going to list out why this annoys me so much.

1. I don´t have a nude pic of myself as a profile pic, do I? So why the hell would I send one to you by request?
2. I haven´t promoted my profile as a "get-a-pic-of-my-p***y" profile now have I? So why would you think I would send you a pic?
3. I haven´t stated anywhere that I am looking for online sex now have I? so why do you assume I would like to do that?
4. I´ve known you for 2 minutes now, why would you assume that I want you to see my intimate parts? I haven´t promoted that anywhere either now have I?
5. Where the hell does it say associated with Redtube on my profile? no where... get it??
6. "come on, I will show you mine first" ... *rolls eyes* did I ASK to see yours? no? so why  would I want to see it ?

I think it´s perfectly ok for people to ask about stuff from me, rather that than assuming things or profiling me automatically with 3 tweets and a pic. But when someone has sent you 10 messages in total I don´t think it´s respectful to ask these kinds of things, this all comes down to something I've written about before -> MANNERS!! if you are doing this.. where is your manners? go out and buy a magazine or click to the free porn sites that you can find via google etc.. just don´t come back and ask shit like this from me ok?

as a closing I would like to say that I love sex, I am not shy about it nor my body and I rather have sex with the lights on and show everything and I will stare into the eyes of my partner etc.. but I do not appreciate this sort of disrespectful behavior .. period..

Be a good example

You know it´s really sad to read about crap that teenagers and kids have to go through because of the example that the current society portrays to them and we as the adults are responsible for that example as we should be able to control the feed.

I don´t even know where to start properly with this post..

First of all the media portrayed image of what you should look like. I hate it when the pressure is created in these fashion magazines and the media gives the impression out that you cannot be accepted as you are, by the way YOU WANT to look like. I mean you should dress a certain way, do your make-up in a certain way, you should style your hair in a certain way, you should act the certain way, otherwise you will be discriminated and you will be an outsider for the rest of your life and when it´s repeated again and again that makes it true because the way the teenage culture and well, social culture in general is brainwashed will make it happen, then the culture is molded into that specific way and people start to believe they shouldn't tolerate someone who is "different" and then the person really becomes an outsider.. I hope you are following my thought here.. Why is it so hard for people to reject the thought´s that are being fed from the ever-so-controlling media to us? Everyone has the right to look like they want without the extra criticism being thrown around. It´s a persons own choice to dress the way they want to, to do their hair like they want to choose if they want to go ahead with cosmetic surgeries etc.. I haven´t had a surgery and it wouldn´t fit me cause im happy with myself with the "flaws" and everything. Every person is a portrait of themselves, they way the view the world, what they themselves think as beautiful.

The other thing that I have been thinking about for a while now, people are being pushed into molds in the way that they should do just certain things if they are a part of a specific social category, I will give an example about this so maybe it´ll open my view a bit: for example when I was a teenager I was a vocalist in a HC metal band and after band practice I went to a dance practice -> I was in a Hip Hop dance crew, see? now most of you will realize where im getting at. You are told that you can only choose one thing from a specific culture and not mix it up... uhm why? it´s all about expanding your own world and getting good experiences, in my mind this can be seen in the same way as racial discrimination. The way some people tell you that you can´t have a mix-marriage for example, well why the hell not? (*slapping her own wrist* excuse me for the choice of words...) I think it´s a good comparison, why should you have to choose or just stay in your own social area or race? hmm? we are all the same and all the races and cultures in the world is the end result of that simple fact.. WE ARE ALL THE SAME.. that applies for the social culture too, it all started from people and if we are all the same why shouldn´t you mix things up? By mixing different experiences you will end up learning a lot about yourself and by developing yourself you will be more confident with who you are and you will be more merciful and loving to yourself and being that to yourself you can be that to other people too and by doing that you will be a good example, think about it..

Make your own choice, do you want to be remembered as a "blind follower" or as an awesome personality who was a good example how you can be yourself and appreciate other people?

Zombiewalk 2013

Ok so, this time around I thought I would write about an event, basically because this was the first z
Zombie walk in Vaasa and it´s fantastic we made it happen..

First with some facts so you´ll get the idea of the actual size of the event -> Vaasa is a coastal city of Finland with approx. the population of 65 000 so it´s not big ( cities in Finland rarely are :-D ). the area of Vaasa is 397.44 km² (153.45 sq mi) so if you look at the population VS the area you´ll notice that people live far away form each other basically and the inhabited areas are sparse.

So the event itself was a success. the total headcount is not confirmed yet but there were approx. over 100 people attending so that was a fantastic thing since usually the people around here are hard to attend to any sort of events like this. The whole thing started from Facebook, I got a request from a friend to join in and I was more than happy to, after about a week there was still wall post that actually started just out from a joke that we should dance thriller at the marketplace at the end of the walk, well people were into that too, there were approx. 30-40 dancers in the flash mob, so thinking about the size of Vaasa and the "enthusiastic" people around here that was a lot :-D

So, the next step was given to all dancers -> study the thriller moves from the Michael Jackson short film, well everyone did but it turned out that the original routine was quite hard for some people so we went for a simplified version ( this can be found on Youtube too as the thriller flash mob tutorial ). First practice sessions were arranged and the last practice was held a day before the event 27.9.2013.  so.. on Saturday 28.9. the actual event took place. Started out at 3 o´clock with make-up sessions with some pro. make-up artists, I had a cut done with some blood coming out of it with latex on my cheek and my son wanted a small cut on his cheek, our faces were painted white and shaded with some black eye shadow etc. that was cool, the only problem with the latex was that it wanted to get stuck in my hair :-D but thankfully it didn´t destroy the make-up.

17:45 it was time to head out, pack ourselves to the car and drive to the meeting point, to our surprise there was a lot of zombies already waiting and we realized that the attendance was going to be higher than what was expected ( In Vaasa you are lucky if 20  people from the original 200 that signed up will show ) 141 originally signed for it and like I wrote earlier, the headcount  was over 100. We realized that there were a lot more people that wanted to attend the flash mob than we saw in the sessions so we had a last practice session at the beach at the meeting point.

18:00 it was time to get the show on the road so we walked a long route, there was a massive audience on the streets everywhere we went so the attendance level of the whole event went up with a 100 souls at least so that was cool, there were a lot of people taking pics and videos. all of the zombies were really living it up and scaring people who were watching and scaring the cars parked in the traffic lights and you could see that the viewers also enjoyed it.

We finally got to the market place ( our final destination for the night) waited for all of the zombies to reach the place and when we had a full headcount the Thriller was played from a car built as a boom box, seriously these guys had a great sound system in the car. oh and it was the single version.
Dancing went really well and we had a little freestyling session in the middle of the song ( 3rd verse ) and everyone came up with cool moves and acting for that bit :) Annoyingly I haven´t gotten any video yet of the dancing just a few pics

the first pic on-top is of the mob, anyways here is a link for a picture gallery and a link for a video clip too.

pics: http://ossinyqvist.com/zombie-walk-vaasa-2013/
Video ( the story is in finnish but click on the videos to see them, these were in the local newspaper): http://www.pohjalainen.fi/uutiset/maakunta/zombiet-valloittivat-keskustan-kadut-katso-video-1.1471248

Courtesy and manners

here we go..

I hate it when I see/meet people who have bad manners. My mother always taught us good manners and she had the authority to make us behave well and remember the basic manners and to be courteous and thoughtful and nice to people. Have the following things ever happened to you?:

1. You are just about to get to the door and the person going in sees you but won´t hold the door open for you?

It´s happened to me many times and it´s very annoying especially at work when I get to the front door because I have to take out ( and of course find the damn thing first ) my keycard and the person who turned and saw me and didn´t hold the door open just continues their walk even though they can still see me there going through my bag and trying to find the keycard. I never do that if I see a person who´s just about to reach the door, I stay there and hold the door. My life won´t fall apart if I give out 1 min to hold the door open.The same goes for holding the door open for elderly people and kids at a store or where ever.

2. At work, walk by without looking into your eyes or even saying hello?

oh this is so annoying. People see you. You see them and you know they saw you then they turn their head away or look at the floor when they pass you without saying anything. I mean you spend more time at work during the week than at home with your family, these people are all colleagues and we should get along well, my mom would kill me if I wouldn´t greet people. I don´t even know how many times I say, hi, good morning, hello,. what´s up?! at work when I come in every morning and I AWLAYS look people in the eyes and smile as I greet them, basic manners and when you´ve done it long enough it´s automatic :-D

3. People are talking to you and they look everywhere else but in your eyes?

every god damn day. It´s the same as having your sunglasses on indoors when you are talking to a person privately, I was taught to look a person in the eyes when talking to them. I always feel weird when talking to someone who stares at the wall while talking to you, I feel like looking at the wall like "what? did you see something weird on the wall?" and I feel like looking at the wall too :-D

4. Bad table manners

Oh this is something my mom was very specific about, always use your for and your knife. Never start before everyone has their food. Always use a tablecloth on your lap. Always use the knife and fork or the spoon in a correct fashion. Always wait for others to finish before leaving the table and leave together with the people you are eating with. If you are invited for dinner to someone´s house always take your own plate and glass to the kitchen or offer to help in clearing the table. Never rest your elbows on the table, make small talk etc.. we were very well trained with my brothers and my mother always tells us how she was complemented of our good table manners when we were invited to eat somewhere, but nowadays it´s automated and I teach the same manners to my son and I have had compliments about how well he behaves when sitting at a table. Oh and I have had so good training that when I go out to have dinner with my customers I don´t even have to think about these things, it comes naturally. My mom went as far as teaching us the correct ways with chopsticks too and that has helped me a lot during business trips to Asia

Sometimes I feel like people have forgotten about good manners and politeness, good manners and a smile to another person doesn't cost you anything so why not use it? It will not only light up the persons day you are being polite to but it will also boost your own identity with others.. also as a conclusion SMILE to others, you might not even notice it but one smile to a stranger might save that persons day, you don´t know what they might be going through and your smile just might help them get through that day!!

Adulthood dosen´t mean you have to lose your inner child

Now this one came to mind this morning when I had a meeting where all managers and the president and vice president of our company were at.

I see this every day.. I am full-on in the business world and it seems that to most people adulthood means that you have to lose your sense of humor and forget all fun and "childish" things. I could NEVER live like that myself. I love the fact that I have two sides to me that I can utilize in my life..  There is the child called Emilia and then there is this grown woman called Emilia living in the same body.

I´ll give you an example of my "childish" behavior. It must have been at the point when my son had just turned 4, we went into a huge store, after going through the groceries and kitchen towels etc we usually go to the toy department in the store to check the new toy´s out. This time we noticed some cool star wars gear and I started telling my son how huge star wars was when I was a kid and about all the other toys and how these are so much cooler than the ones we used to have as kids. I gave my son a light saber from the shelf and took one for myself, then we went to the masks and I introduced the Darth Vader mask to my son, he didn´t like it so I didn´t force it, took the Vader mask for myself and then we started "fencing" on the isle, me with my Vader mask on and a red light saber and my son with his green light saber and I even started humming the s. wars tune very loudly. There was this old man behind us that just laughed his a** off at us .. See I think you can sincerely enjoy "childish" things even as an adult.. I have wrestling matches with my son or we might take some water guns and run outside or play something with LEGO blocks and build all day long or take a match on his Cars car track etc., I think a world where you have to confine yourself totally to the adult world would be very boring. My son also once told me that he loves to bring his friends over to play cause im the only parent that runs around with the kids .. maybe im just sad or something :-D

Basically I think that because I missed out on my childhood I've been able to keep my inner child alive. I actually once had a dream about it too, well me, meeting me when I was a kid.. but that was a sad dream and I think it played a big role in my own recovery from my childhood.

So anyways, back to the subject again :-D When you grow up you don´t need to hide the side of you that want´s to play, laugh and have fun and besides kids are great, they are so honest and when they laugh it comes from the heart and you can hear it :) For example we have these outing days sometimes from work and the last time we had two options at a same location, either enjoying a walk in the forest or some jogging or go and have a paintball war.. guess which one I picked ? The paintball was a cool experience and I enjoyed it so much, we were split into 2 teams ( I was the only chick who wanted to participate, the others went for the walk ) and we had a cool war zone with  big rocks and everything in the middle of the forest, it was really cool :) but I really enjoy things like that.

Some people assume that if you are playful you must have something wrong in your head.. well might be im not denying that but, I've always been able to out think the "serious adult" people.. I think it´s smart to have a child alive inside of you :)

Beauty - are you sure you can judge?

Yep, back from a coffee break..

So it´s amazing to me that people nowadays just see the outer layer of you when they determine if you are beautiful or not. It all comes down to preferences in my opinion when talking about something you can see immediately. Im old fashioned in that sense that I think beauty really comes from the inside and if a person is beautiful you can see it on the outside as well. I´ll explain my view a bit. If a person has a beautiful soul / personality ( to me these two things are the same ) You´ll see it from their eyes. In my mind the mirror of the soul really is a persons eyes. I always notice the eyes first, if there is something worth getting to know in a person I've always seen a spark in that persons eyes, you can also see if their smile goes up to their eyes, if it doesn't well.. I usually don´t get interested in getting to know that person more. I´ve noticed through my work that people say way more with their eyes than with their mouth´s or  bodies. I always look the other person in the eyes when talking to them and usually when I see someone interesting I look at the eyes first, the same thing has happened to me when I've realized that I am interested in a person romantically, they have beautiful eyes with that special spark .. weird.

Why isn´t personality suddenly a criteria anymore? who decided what is beautiful anyways? I mean why can´t people accept the fact that someone else might find something you dislike very beautiful in their mind? Why isn´t diversity appreciated? Why do you have to fit into a mold to be beautiful?

Oh and now I just have to recommend the following things: Please look at Nikki Sixx´s photobook: This is gonna hurt & listen to Sixx AM´s album This is gonna hurt especially the songs Lies of the Beautiful People &  Skin and after done those things think really really really hard have you condemned people as ugly for wrong reasons? seeing someone who is different and saying they are ugly without knowing the person is wrong in every way I can think of.

When I was a child my mother brought a former patient of hers to our home ( she is a nurse and she was working in a organization to support people with disabilities to function at their own home) and I befriended him immediately, he is one of the most sweetest and loving and one of the most BEAUTIFUL people I've seen in my life. He has multiple disabilities including a tough case of down syndrome and he uses his electric wheelchair to get around he also suffers from a disability that makes it hard for him to talk but he is not hard to understand if you stop and listen to him. He has this amazing way of smiling at you and when you look at his eyes you can see the biggest spark ever. If he loves you, he will take out a comb from his little bag that he has with him when you are talking and he will hand the comb to you and he expects you to comb his hair, for me it was the biggest compliment I have received from an adult person. When I grew up I suddenly started to notice how people stopped and stared at us when we were talking  for example in a grocery store and I was combing his hair on my knees on the ground so that we could be on the same level and look each other in the eyes and just talk. Listening to the Sixx AM song Skin makes me think of him and I always cry. He is beautiful in every way and he is a an amazing person in every way and a great friend to people that he cares about.

Please people, but your own behavior under a microscope and think why would you judge, avoid, discriminate or label people as ugly. My biggest wish is that this post makes even 1 person think about this.

Religions, church system etc..

Another text after a coffee break and reading some stuff last night before going to bed. I love to read about mythology, history, religions etc.

Now, I would like to start this one by saying that I don´t have a religion and no im not an atheist because I believe an atheist believes in believing in nothing. I believe in something but I have never found anything that would even come close to my "belief system" so im not able to name myself and again.. labeling, if you read my blog about it you know how I feel about that. Yes, exactly my mind works in a very complicated way I know, heh..

so.. oh now I feel overwhelmed as there is so much to say about this subject and in large portions I might be even contradicting myself.. getting more complicated? yes? well what can I say religion isn´t an easy subject, religion isn´t a subject where you can have just one perspective, that must be one of the reasons why it fascinates me so much. I will just go over a few opinions about the major religions in Finland and just the "general" stuff, believe me if I would go through all this blog would never be ready and I would just go on and on until this would be a huuuuuge book.

I believe that the need for religions stems from the fact that people NEED something to believe in. The way that a human mind works is that it needs to have some sort of justification for everything that happens to them, around them and all over the world. If you take a look at the history books you´ll notice that most war´s etc. come from the same "simple" reason.. religion. Racial questions were raised by people having a strong belief system, condemning metal music and rock came from this same thing. Witch hunts and all.. all come from the same root. That is one of the reasons why I don´t like belief systems at all, of course there are people who are able to live in peace and harmony even though having a strong belief system, but as with all things, when it goes too far it´s dangerous.

I was born in Finland and Finland is a Christian country officially, that´s why I was automatically included in the Christian belief system, yet I am not a Christian, I don't like the fact that they take out a percentage of my wages to the church every month just because I am a part of the finnish Christian church, the only reason why I do not fill out the separation notice to the Christian church system is that with the percentage they take out they also pay a lot of the church aid´s to poor countries and the children of poor countries and the church in Finland has a good background in giving aid to different countries and I want to support that with a small percentage every month and this is the only aid system in Finland who do not take a lot of the money meant for the aid for staff costs for example so I know that my money will help too. I will make the separation notice once my son is old enough to decide for himself if he want´s to do it and when my own aid plan is ready which we are working hard on with some of my closest friends.. that will be massive btw, but the time to reveal the whole thing isn´t yet unfortunately and that´s a subject for a different blog anyway :-D So ah yes, the strange church system here, well it´s the same as in many other countries and this is one of the BIGGEST reasons why I hate it so much, the church is basically the same as the government. These two things in my mind are completely different and under no circumstances should the church and government be in bed with each other. Then there is the other thing about Christianity that I do not like, there are these people ( I know a few of this type personally ) they hit you in the head with the bible  condemning you for the most stupid reasons like watching a horror flick, listening to some "wrong" type of music, not going to church etc.. and yet, these people are the most corrupted, cold, uncaring people you have ever met and besides that they make the ultimate sin in my mind of raising themselves above all other people who aren´t in their "holy circle" of people. Then the bilding that is called church, I always love to take this up with the people I described above because they don´t get it and they can never explain the function of the building to me, now, try to follow me. The bible said that under every stone you turn you´ll find me, im in the tree´s etc ( I don´t know if that was close to the English translation as I have read the bible only in finnish ) so why do you need a building to be close to god? the bible is basically saying you can talk to god whenever, wherever just talk and listen. So why would I need a building to do that and a priest? I  talk to an entity all the time actually, don´t know if that entity known to many with other names exists but like I said I believe in something, might be god who knows :) so these people usually say that you need the building to ask for forgiveness and the priest to be the vessel between you and god.. uhm, ok I find that explanation kinda strange when I compare it to bible, didn´t god create man as his own image acc. to the bible? so the human race should already be close to god right? so where does the priest fit in? then they usually go on to saying that you can repent your sins with the help of the priest in front of god.. well.. I don´t need help from someone else to apologize to a friend for example, so why would I need the help of a priest to ask for forgiveness from god? im sorry I just don´t get  it... also Christian services are really boring to be honest and has a sad mood to it, too stiff, too serious and too sad.

Then we come to a hazardous area of the Islamic faith, I am saying this because the current situation in the middle east is the gasoline to start a fight over things about Muslims and Islamic faith. I think it´s really sad that the most raised news from EG for example is the fact that the local Muslims were endangering themselves to protect Christians working in Egypt. Why does it all always come back to religions fighting over things, The world is filled with toddlers having the most ridiculous rage fits and yes I am talking about the human race. We are all just as precious as people in comparison to the other, we are all the same and if you read through history you´ll notice that the same blood run´s through us all. this race started from the same point, There will always be disagreements over religious views and opinions will clash but do we always have to be violent when things won´t go our way? what the ***** happened to mature discussions, im scared of the example we as "adults" are giving to the children of this world., I don´t even watch the evening news anymore because it makes me cry every time when I see how much suffering there is in this world. ok so see.. im going on to include a separate topic to this blog again :-D like I said this whole subject is much more complicated than what you would think initially.  so the Islamic faith, I think it´s an interesting faith and there is so much positive aspects to the belief system, and yet again we come to the extreme people and how they are negatively affecting the whole view on this belief system. I have a close friend Mohamed who is actually a native Egyptian, I met him through my work when I was on a business trip in Egypt and we got along really well, no not in a romantic way :-D I know some of you had that quick idea already. but as friends and he is a Muslim and we have never fought over religion, we have discussed our own point of view´s and tried to understand where the other one is coming from and our discussions have always ended in some sort of understanding.

Oh and even when I said I would go over major religions in Fin, I just have to comment on a fantastic experience I had during a business trip in Asia. I had actually just arrived to Seoul in South Korea and I was feeling really tired and I was suffering from jet lag. I didn´t want to sleep though because it was morning in Korea and I wanted to survive the jet lag without making it worse ( I always do this because other wise my inner clock will be so messed up that I won´t be able to function) so I decided to stay up until it would be 10 in the evening in Korea and I would be able to turn my clock to the local time and I would be refreshed and sharp as a knife the following morning because I was going to meet many of our customers and I would have to take care of their worries and be able to explain many things and be able to reply to everything that might be thrown at me during the meetings, besides, when im tired I get really irritated easily because I have to wear high heels and a business suit :-D so I went into my room at the hotel and left my stuff there and decided I would take a walk, when I was waiting for the elevator I noticed a massive Buddha statue in the middle of a forest nearby the hotel ( my room was in the 26th floor ) and took a close look at the roads and which way I would have to go and where would I have to turn to get there.  So I decided I would go and take a look at the statue, when I arrived at the outskirts of the forest I noticed that there was a sign stating that it was actually a functioning Buddhist temple and there were monks living there, I went inside the temple area and I was lucky enough to be there right when their prayer moment was about to start, I asked around and found out that it was allowed to go into the temple and watch it from the corners and to be honest I've never witnessed anything so peaceful and religious in my life, it felt amazing and afterwards I was able to take a look around the area with a monk who was happy to show me around, it was amazingly beautiful and a fantastic and peaceful experience. The monks were so kind and they were happy to explain all kinds of things to me and show me the prayer drums and all, I felt blessed to be able to experience that.

so I guess as a conclusion you could say that the best way to live with a belief system is understanding and appreciating the diverse religions around the world, you can have your own faith but don´t ever judge or condemn someone just based on the religious facts and never judge a religion. ¨

Comments on my horoscope, the personality thing

Ok so I am very bored right now, trying to get some work done .. so now that I don´t have anything to do I just googled some personality horoscopes. These have always somehow fascinated me, I don´t know what it is but most people I know are very similar to their own horoscope and the personality description and I have a lot of the traits that my description says.

Ok so first of all I am a cancer, heh yes I know, one of the toughest nuts to crack :-P

I´ll quote the description in red and put my comments below:

Cancer is the fourth sign of the astrological year and is known by its astrological symbol, the Crab. Cancer individuals are intelligent, organized, generous, home-loving, and tenacious. They are also devoted to family members and provide enormous emotional support.

Have you met a Cancerian woman recently? Are you a little confused as to what she really is - chirpy, somber or distant? She is all of these and still, she is none of these. Even more confused? A Cancerian woman has mood swings every now and then and these are only a few of her mood swings. However, her basic personality traits remain the same. She is very sensitive, emotional, kind and caring. Now's the catch! Most of her traits will be hidden behind a shell of indifference and aloofness, breaking which will require quite a lot of effort.

The Cancer woman has a strong maternal instinct and the desire to make her home a place of domestic bliss. They have great loyalty to family members and close ties to their mothers. They also have a large circle of friends and associates. The typical Cancer woman looks beyond her career or home-centered activities to find interests through which she can contribute to others.

hmm, mood swings? yes, I can go from happy to angry in 0,2 seconds :-D but there is always a good reason for that though, it´s not like I do that without any reason at all. The shell thing, yes I sign this off and put my stamp on it, it´s completely true.

You will have to gently coerce a Cancerian girl to get out of her shell and come into the big bad world without it. The best time to do this is in the moonlight, when there are maximum chances of catching her in her true emotions. When in love, she will be tender, womanly, timid and modest. She dislikes criticisms, can't stand rejection and gets deeply hurt by harsh words. Too much aggressiveness on your part may make her a little hesitant. She loves her mother, so you better learn to love as well as respect her too.

haha, funny that the moonlight thing is there because it´s completely true :-D ok so here is the first thing that is different about me than the description says, I don´t hate criticism , I actually welcome it, I can stand rejection and im good at licking my wounds off. Harsh words can hurt anyone, the thing to remember is always how to say something negative to anyone, this doesn't just concern cancerians I think this goes for any human being.

A Cancer woman will never make the first moves in a relationship; she only knows how to move backwards or sideways. This is because of two reasons, her shyness and her fear of being rejected. This female has some secrets and she won't like you prying around her personal diary. She is very insecure and will need your constant reassurance. It doesn't matter if she is the current 'Miss Universe' or has men drooling over her all the time, it is your attention and appreciation she would be the most concerned about.

Nope, this part isn´t true. I actually have made the first moves in the past, not always but sometimes ;) I am not insecure but the reason must be that I have gotten past that, I used to be insecure but life taught me to let it go and trust yourself.

You will have to learn to live with a Cancerian woman’s mood swings, which is not so difficult since she is so good in every other way. She is extremely loyal and will keep you happy with her warm and rich humor. Once she is committed to you, she will remain yours forever and ever. Adultery is not one of her traits. With a Cancerian woman, you will always have to be careful with words. She is very sentimental and can get hurt very easily. Then, she can cry like a 2-year old baby and you will be expected to console her and wipe her tears.

Yep, im so damn good :-D and this part is true. NOTE I cry often when watching sad movies or cartoons :-D

A Cancer female is a great cook and makes better food than a 5-star hotel chef. She is quite careful with money as well. Neither will she be stingy, nor totally extravagant. She has a habit of saving everything that is usable, be it money, old buttons or empty jars. She also saves things that have a sentimental value attached to them, like the sweater grandmother knitted on her fifth birthday. A Cancer female fiercely guards what is hers and that includes you too! However, she is not too possessive or jealous. But, she does not like sharing her love too.

She is one of those people who do not crib about bad luck. She will get depressed and may shed a few tears alone, but she will be patient and wait for the time to change again, this time in her favor. Almost all the Cancerians have the desire of being pampered like a child, especially when they feel low. Don't forget to pay your Cancer girl extra attention when she is depressed, otherwise she may retreat deeper into her shell. And then, it will be very difficult to bring her back to her normal self.

True. Just that I don´t get depressed easily. Pampered like a child? uhm yes, if it means a lot of hugs and kisses :)

 She will want to be told time and again that she is still desirable and you still need her. However, she is not weak and is completely capable of looking after herself. In fact, she is one of those who sacrifice all that they have, for their loved ones. She just needs some spoiling after every few days. A Cancerian woman may be fragile as far as her feelings are concerned, but when you need her, she will be as strong as the 'Rock of Gibraltar'. She will also be very protective of her children and make them feel completely secure.

Kids will be the center of her universe and she will pamper them with her love, affection and care. The children will also be very close to her and no matter how much far they go from home, they will come back to her and she will know this. A Cancer female always needs you, but she will never get too aggressive. She knows that you may leave for a while, to follow your dreams, but in the end, she is the one you will come back to. Then, you will find her as charming as before, waiting for you with freshly baked bread and hot soup. She will feed you, listen to your worries and make you smile again! Need anything more?

Yes true nothing much to add to this one except for the following part  She will want to be told time and again that she is still desirable and you still need her. -> Who wouldn´t want to hear that from time to time?

This one was very close except for the early emotional separation part about kids and the food thing and I don´t spend, this was based on my b.-day 13th of July ( I was born on a Friday. think about it :-P are you able to figure out the year? )

July 13 Cancers have a charismatic personality that complements their gentle soul. They have a fear of change yet understand that it is only through change that they are able to discover their true nature. They realize all experience is a rite of passage toward spiritual transcendence.

Friends and Lovers

Despite their intelligence, July 13 natives often choose the wrong people to be their friends and lovers. On the face of it, that's not good, but they may learn lessons that can help them later in life. They love with a true heart yet sometimes feel forced to compromise.

Children and Family

July 13 individuals may spend the major part of their lives trying to come to grips with their background. With their own children, they may experience an early emotional separation. This is because they are likely to encourage youngsters to make their own choices and decisions from an early age.

Health

Good health undercut by poor habits characterizes July 13 natives, who dislike monitoring their diet. Although they usually have an active enough lifestyle to avoid putting on weight, they may be denying themselves much-needed nutrients. It's more beneficial for them to indulge in an exercise program on a daily basis.

Career and Finances

July 13 folks do well in professions where they must deal with people one-to-one. Their magnetism makes them both likable and believable. They do especially well in sales positions. Money matters can be complicated for them. They either spend beyond their means or have trouble maintaining a steady income. Fortunately, the acquisition of money isn't one of their primary aims in life.

Dreams and Goals

July 13 natives have high ideals, and they're anxious to fulfill them. If they can influence others positively through their words or actions, they feel as if their fondest wish has come true.

Motherhood, giving birth & womanhood

Now, just to start this out. if you don´t want to know about motherhood in general or you don´t want to read about giving birth move on :)

This morning it suddenly hit me when I looked at my precious, beautiful baby boy.. It was only 5 years and 4 months ago when I first saw him and how big he has gotten all of a sudden. All that love filled me right up and I really started to think about my son, his future, everything he has accomplished and experienced so far and my own motherhood, how it changed me and connected me to something I would call primitive in myself...

Let´s start with the experience of giving birth .. It was the most emotional, wonderful day I have ever experienced. I wouldn´t trade that day to anything, ever. I feel so humble that I was able to do it.
The day started out with pain and a visit to the doctors office and by noon I was having contractions, by 7 that night I was at the hospital laying in a hot bath..

and no I didn´t want any medication. I´ll explain why. First i´ll start by saying that  I think every woman makes the decision for themselves and even if I didn´t have medication I think it´s perfectly fine for a woman to take an epidural if she need´s it. For me, the choice was easy, I have always trusted my body completely, I trusted my body then too, I thought that I would stay better connected to the whole experience through it without medication and I definitely wanted my body to be able to react and tell me what to do.. guide me even through it since I believed that my body would tell me where I am at and what to do, and it did. They tried to even force me to take an epidural because I started bleeding in the middle of the night, I didn´t want one instead I had these grain filled hot bags on my back and I concentrated to every contraction breathing, listening, it was like a wave that came every now and then telling me that the birth was closer and each time it passed I subconsciously smiled knowing that every time the wave was over I was closer ( I went to the hospital at 7 24.4.2008 and my son was born the following morning on the 25th and I didn´t sleep at all during that period because I wasn´t able to ) and wouldn´t you know it, when the time came I really could trust my body to function as it has been designed from the dawn of the human race, when the time came I gave into the whole experience listening to what my body wanted to do.  I cannot explain it, it was a fantastic experience all in all.

I think that giving birth is the moment that an inner goddess wakes up inside of every woman, something so ancient and beautiful comes alive, it´s a moment where every inch of your inner self is fully conscious and aware of it´s surroundings, your senses are tuned to perfection and you are tied down to a line of women before and after you that have been through the same thing.. it´s hard to explain but it truly is a celestial experience even with the pain and blood and all. If you aren´t scared of a little pain I recommend to every woman to try and do it without the meds. I didn´t feel pain when the time came to give birth, hell, that was the moment I had been waiting for throughout the night, I was so happy that I was able to finally do something. That point was an unbelievable experience, I was so tired because I didn´t have any sleep during the night but I found an amazing pool of strength inside of me when I knew that it´s time to see my son ( I didn´t know it would be a son at the time though ) 9 minutes after discovering I still had strength my son was out and 10 minutes after that I was crying because I was so happy, relieved and moved by the beauty of my own child. Oh I still can remember what my son smelled like, the first time he stopped crying when he was moved onto my breast and he heard my voice and recognized it. the way I wasn´t able to fall asleep the following night because I just wanted to stare at him sleeping and I wanted to hold him beside me in the hospital bed, laying there, feeling so complete, feeling so overwhelmed by the love I felt ( and still feel ) for this little human being. My road as a mother started then and the best thing that ever happened to me was becoming a mother and the best thing in my life is being a mother :)

When I was a kid and even when I was a teenager I wasn´t bothered or interested in feminine things.. at an early age my blond locks were cut ( my mother wanted to keep my naturally blond and curly hair long ) because I got to decide for the first time. I didn´t care for dolls, I rather went outside with the boys to have water fights and go to an amusement park or dig in the dirt building castles and all sorts of other interesting, not-so feminine things :) I was tomboy to the bone ( I still am in many ways, If I would have a daughter I wouldn´t know what to do during the "princess period" little girls usually have). In my late teen´s I finally discovered my own womanhood, I started getting into make-up and the whole dress thing. I think im still a tomboy to some extent because I am not afraid of "dirty" work, if I am at a friend´s house enjoying a nice evening I rather sit with the guys playing videogames, playing poker or monopoly or watching a movie than sit with the girls talking crap behind back´s and talking about fashion etc. I feel totally out of place with the girls usually :-D Don´t get me wrong tho, I have a massive feminine side to me as well :) It just doesn't manifest as short skirts or revealing clothes or in any way of overdoing it so to speak.. Now this is another point I just have to mention. Why do some women want to show everything and dress like that? I don´t mean they shouldn´t but I just don´t get it. I have always relied on my charm and personality and I have not had a need to put on some revealing clothes on to get attention as a single woman in a club for example, according to  my experience you just need a magnetic stare and a smile and a confident appearance to do the same thing and sometimes it´s even more effective that way. all in all the point here is that I love being a woman with it´s up´s and down´s. there.. I am done for today :-P

Anti-Feminist.. comments on the youtube video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkIiIaXcal4


Ok.. well I was speechless for a while after this video.. Had to gather myself for a while and now I just have to comment on this :-D

First of all I have to start with the "women were not educated they were stupid" comment she said. Uhm. well most women didn´t have the option to go to school in the similar fashion that guys had but that doesn't mean they were stupid back then, women knew a lot and yes back then they mostly ran the household and the man was the one who carried the cash home, secondly she talks about 1950´s and then about 1916, yes sweetheart you definitely don´t have all of the facts right.. I wonder what her educational background is?

The second part . fantasy about being a housewife.. ok all good probably suits you and there is nothing wrong whit it if that´s your ultimate goal in life. BUT I on the other hand think that women are capable of combining these things and it doesn't mean you are a feminist. Firstly I have a son, I also have a career a successful one I might add and yes, I do cook and clean too and I do make myself look pretty as well, all a matter of getting your schedule together ( I also have free time and I also spend a lot of time with my son ) and my son is clean and has clean pretty clothes on. oh and I loooooove to cook, I cook every day because I want my son and I want me too to eat home cooked food cause I don´t like the taste of the "tv" dinners and it´s not as healthy as something you cooked yourself from fresh ingredients. "can you imagine if that´s all you HAVE to do in your life, that would be exciting". What on earth would you do if you would end up being divorced and left with the kids? no job, no income, no provider, no assets ( except a good wardrobe full of short dresses ) I am proud that I am able to provide for me and my son and I don´t need to pay a lot of cash for handymen etc. and I don´t need a man just for the money.. I think a relationship is about feeling safe, having someone who you can talk to without being judged, someone to hold and kiss when you go to bed and generally someone to share your life with without the wall´s that the society forces you to put up for certain situations  :-O ..........................

Third part.. the one about men being the providers.. ok let me get this straight. 1. You want to stay at home? you want to make yourself look  pretty? ( sounds like money "well spent" to me :-D ) and you want the man to be the provider.. If a draw a fast conclusion from this.. you want to spend a shitload of cash and exceed the credit card limit and your husband has to pay for all of that with the money he worked his ass off for?? I would never marry or date a man because he is filthy rich, oh hell I know people like this and honestly I think those people do not have any self control or a sense of honor in them. I am proud that I am able to provide my son, I am proud that I don´t have to go around asking or smooching guys for money, I am proud that I have a good income, I am proud that I have a career and even if I would have a rich bf for example I wouldn´t still want him to be the sole provider of the family because I believe that if you are together, you work for a common goal and you work together for the money, it doesn't matter if the other one has 9 million for example versus your 3500 eur salary per month, you still work for the income, the both of you.

Oh and why on earth do you find yourself constantly paying for something for the guys? you are contradicting yourself here :-D if you would have a guy that would provide for you he would find himself constantly paying for your stuff :-D either way I think it goes both ways.. "they are always going to be like that" :-D *fell off the office chair*

Fourth point, ok now here is something we agree on, finally.. I don´t like feminism either because it doesn't work towards the fantastic goal of equality. I believe that men and women should have same right´s. For example here in Finland single dad´s are still frowned upon and dad´s who complain about women that are abusive towards their kids aren´t taken too seriously by the social services so these kids have to suffer at the hands of their mom´s instead of getting to live with their dad who wouldn´t abuse them. oh and there is a lot of stuff that aren´t equal to the sexes but still the finnish system has gotten better and I would love that there would be full equality between the sexes. I am extremely thankful to my brothers who taught me from an early age how to change tires, how to  fix my bike, how to do the other stuff that many women can´t do and their men have to do it.. I can fix broken pipes ( small problems tho) etc. and I am proud of it because that means I am independent and I really am.

about the statistics .. "women are bad drivers" actually did you know that according to the 2012 European statistics the gender of the people who had the most lethal crashes was male? probably you didn´t ..

"women shouldn´t go and put Christmas light´s or shelves" uhm , why? I've done both.. many times "or pump gas" well.. what do you do if you are out of gas and you need to get some? get a dude to do it?! :-O I would love it if my man would cook for me? it´s romantic and thoughtful. Many men are actually good cooks.. oh and if you have ever read a recipe book or watched shows like Masterchef or Hell´s Kitchen or just regular shows teaching new recipes.. most of the most rewarded cooks are men.


God.. I think I am left speechless again.. please tell me it was satire?

as a side note.. I don´t understand why you have to dress up so that you are basically revealing everything.. I can be sexy with my clothes on too ......... so there, this is my weird rambling for today..

Ignorance & Intolerance, labeling people

uh.. so annoyed right now.. some things / people push my buttons in the wrong way

I hate labeling above all because I sincerely think that it´s powered by ignorance, intolerance and plain stupidity and the lack of empathy or social skills. I have been labeled all my life to different categories by different reasons. I don´t understand why people just have to stick a label on someone´s forehead "you are this and I made that judgment by your cultural  background / by one song I heard you listen to / after meeting ONE of your friends / by seeing your face " I HATE IT!! Why is it so hard for people to accept the different aspects of one´s personality and background ?

Let´s take music for example. When I was 10 years younger, I was labeled automatically as a goth.. well there might be some aspects to me still that are influenced by the gothic culture, in my music taste, my looks, some of the clothes I wear but when people perceive you as a goth for example somehow they automatically judge you when you suddenly have a business suit on and you are listening to let´s say Jimi Hendrix people automatically wonder if you have turned into something else.. well uhm NO. this would be just another aspect of me. Let´s continue with this music things for a while, I love music in it´s many wonderful forms and categories, I might wake up in the morning and dance to Michael Jacksons You Rock My World around my kitchen and when coming to work I might switch to Lamb Of God´s Redneck ( this would be a good song to fit my current mood actually ), I've never denied any genre or artist from myself because that would limit who I am and I would be labeling myself. Music is a big part of my life and will always be, I listen to trash, gothic rock, soul, blues, RnB, Jazz, rock, speed metal, etc.. that´s why I own approx. 1000 CD´s :) and the collection will be growing as long as I live oh and as a side note, yes I know you can stream anything online nowadays but I love collecting the CD´s because I want to support artists in the best way I can and I also want to go through the booklets and have the cover art and everything :)  Yes, I love mosh pit´s but I love to do some hip hop dance as well. I might be on the dance floor in a club or at a metal festival enjoying some jumping or sometimes, even a wall of death :)

back to the subject, you should get to know the person with that persons several aspects and accept the fact that people have different sides to them rather then forcing an automated label on them. I have been labeled in so many ways during my life and the example I gave about music is probably the smallest label.

Now, background, heritage and cultural differences. I hate racisms and all sort of discrimination. People come in all colors, sizes and shapes and I personally think that´s one of the most wonderful things in the  world, if I would take a picture of all my friends and me, we would probably cover the full set of the color pallet :-D but that´s the way I love it. Having people from different heritages around you really helps you to grow as a person and I see life as a school. I hope to graduate one day :-P It´s sad that after we´ve been on this planet for this long we, humans are still the scum that inhabits this planet when it comes to this subject. all forms of discrimination is destructive, not only to the people who has to suffer from it but to the one discriminating as well and usually these petty individuals understand that when it´s too late IF they ever understand it before their own demise. I´ve been labeled and discriminated because I have a fenno-scandinavian background, yes, the ghostly skin color can also be a fuel for racism. the most memorable comment I have ever heard about my skin color is when I was a kid and met a lady that came to our school for a visit with a larger group to study the finnish way of studying english (  my English teacher wanted me to talk to her to convince her that finnish kids can speak English as well )  immediately when she saw me the first comment was: " oh, I've never seen anyone who is so pale in my life" she turned to my teacher and asked him " it must be a disease? " Nowadays I would have just returned the favor by asking her what kind of mental disease is she suffering from but when I was a kid it really hurt me especially since my self-confidence was already at it´s lowest.

So as a conclusion, try to keep your mind open and you can actually learn and develop yourself further and you´ll be more comfortable in your own skin ..

Now.. the idea starting my blog at blogger is that MySpace somehow managed to hide all of my posts when creating the new MySpace.. and I need a place to write :-D yes I know, would be better to shut up.. but I won´t, I've always been stubborn like that :-D

So anyways, if someone ever read my MySpace blog they know I wrote a whole lot of posts of stuff that we discussed at the coffee table at work.. and here I go again a post about something discussed at work this morning.. see I usually continue to think about some of the stuff even after I have had the discussion while drinking my morning coffee.

The topic of the day is : fans

Note the kind that you can put on your table to cool you down tho :-D this is about people loving people, sometimes too much.

Now, I am a fan, a huge fan of many musicians, artists etc.. BUT the fact that I just don´t get even when I try my very best to understand it, why do some people love .. well for example Justin Bieber so much that they are ready to get pregnant with his kid without even knowing the dude well ( JB came to mind because we were talking about his show in Fin and how the girls went berserk when he was here and basically were ready to do ANYTHING to see him for 2 seconds ). I mean it´s fantastic to say your are someones fan.. but for me it basically means that I respect and love and enjoy something they create and respect the person in their own field. I don´t get the hysteria though, these are just people too, not god´s or goddesses or something above these two things. I´ve met many of my fav. musicians for example during my life but it´s just like talking to a normal person.. guess why? newsflash THEY ARE normal people too. They get hurt, they laugh, they probably cry, they enjoy themselves, they go to the toilet, they need sleep and they need food and water too. The special thing about these people in my mind is that they are amazingly good in their own line of work, that´s something to respect :)  I mean I have worked my entire career to be really good at what I do and so have they .. I don´t have a fan club though :-D ok well not in the extend that a musician would have for example.

If you go to a gallery to see paintings of a famous painter, do you go around screaming so loudly that the windows break and cry so hard that your eyes get swollen shut? nope.. you probably don´t.. so  in my mind that is a  full comparison to the hysteric reaction that a fan get´s when they meet JB for example.. and isn´t acting like that a wasted opportunity to actually talk to the artist? get a few comments of the show directly from them? or a wasted opportunity of telling them how much you appreciate the products of their souls for example? in my mind it is.. I rather talk to people than scream :-D but then again.. I've never been hysterical about another person.. crazy about them yes.. but not hysterical.. so as a conclusion.. I must be the most boring "fan" on this planet :-D